I went riding yesterday with Dave Witbeck. His daughter Alissa got married recently and is now divorced. Essentially it came own to issues of control and emotional abuse. I am amazed at how many marriages are in trouble because the man can't pull his head out of his nether regions and allow his wife to express herself in a normal and healthy manner.
Alissa is a beautiful girl. Here husband wanted her to write letters to her family and friends and tell them that now that they were a couple, they wouldn't be coming around. It tore her apart; both before and after their marriage concluded. It all could have been avoided IF he'd have supported her. It goes without saying that other aspects of their marriage suffered and were left wanting because of his actions.
When Mom and I were first married she had some personal struggles with my family. Because she is practically perfect, this was probably the biggest source of frustration in our entire marriage. We argued and fought and finally I decided that the only way out if we were going to have a peaceful marriage was to not argue with her and embrace her approach to things. This came at a price, my family was left to wonder why they had lost a son. The Gibbons family is awesome and there is nothing not to like but these things happen. I've allowed this to carry forward and as a result, our kids know me and Mom love each other at the expense of knowing the Gibbons family really well. I think it's a worthwhile tradeoff. Because the Gibbons are great, time will manifest their greatness.
I don't know what will happen with your marriages but whatever you do, be good to your wife. She will have opinions that strain at logic (hopefully not too many) and make you wonder. But, happy is the man who has a happy marriage. Since you are on a mission and have a companion, do your best to make your companion feel good about himself.
Here is the deal. Either man and woman are good and sometimes do bad or they are bad and generally put on a good face. I think that humanity generally is good but there are a few bad eggs sprinkled in. Here is what I want you to do. Pick a wife that is good. Then allow her almost complete control over her own life. Support her. Go to her family functions and love her family. If she is good, she will want to bring you around our family periodically.
Never seek to control your wife... No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.
Use this time to love your companions in spite of their warts. Although I think you're both perfect, you probably aren't. Put your bread on the water and pray that it is returned to you.
I may dictate an individual letter to each of you but we are moving today. I love you both.
Dad
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