Letter 9 23 2016 - Fall / One-way Street

My sons:

This has been a week when the weather has turned and fall seems to have begun in earnest.  It rained Thursday and Friday and yesterday was nice so I worked in the yard.

We have all been around the Sun many times and I think it's easy to be complacent with our lives.  But, the reality is that our lives are linear.  This is essentially a one-way street we are on.

I remember when you were both young, I was talking to a friend about how much work it was to have a young family.  He listened and then quietly said, "Enjoy them Paul, you only get them once in all of eternity..."

I've thought a lot about that comment as relating to family and life.  I invite you to consider that comment in context of your missions.  It really is up to you to make sure that you live life with limited mistakes and regrets.  It's also up to you to live life to it's fullest.

Please know I'm praying for you.  I hope things are going well.  Remember that missionary work is inherently difficult.  Don't be surprised when there are challenges.  You might be better off knowing that challenges will come and then expecting them.

I love you both...

Dad

🍁Hello Fall!🍂

Dear Caleb and Jacob,

     I guess the seasons changed on the 21st and I didn't even notice.  I should have though, because a big storm came & we braced ourselves for some potential flooding.  Dad was gone and we were very nervous.  Sariah gets so worked up and starts crying because of previous memories.  In the end, the only water that came in was through the fireplace.  Maybe we need more flashing up there or something.  Our neighbors, the Milnes had flooding in their basement this time through two of their window wells.

     It was Homecoming week at Sky View and Sydney tried to make it to all the activities but they don't let up on the homework so couldn't make it to all of them.  She went to the dance last night with a really nice kid named Chad Yorgeson.  They had a great time with their group!

     Adam helped Dad yesterday with digging out a couple of the window wells again to bury a 30 gallon bucket to collect any extra runoff from future rainstorms.  Dad's pretty pumped about his idea and confident that we won't have flooding through those windows again.

     We're looking forward to General conference this coming weekend.  We'll be thinking of you because we know we'll all be listening to the same messages.  Everything else is good here.  We hope for the best this week where you two are.  We're so very, very proud of you!

Love you lots!

Mom

     

Playing soccer

Baxter in a "lion" costume"

Sydney & Chad

Homecoming Dance

Sent from my iPhone

Letter 9 18 2016 Believe

I hope you've had a great week this week.

You are familiar with the saying, "You have to see it to believe it".  I watched a video this past week with a National Geographic photographer who talked about his experience in the field.  His saying is, "You have to believe it to see it".  The point that he made was that as a photographer, he was often assigned to parts of the world where there was little or no outward beauty.  His challenge was to to find and photograph the people and things that made that area of the world uniquely beautiful.    Over his career as a photographer, he learned to assume that the beauty was there and then to go about the work of documenting it.

That is a profound perspective.  Quite often, I get caught up in the moment and forget to find beauty in everything and everyone around me.  I think we all do.  However, you are in engaged in teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ to his spirit children.  This one fact should heighten your awareness to the fact that all of God's children are beautiful because they are ultimately created in his image.

It's fall.  I love this time of year.  I went for a ride up Ricks Canyon yesterday.  It is really something, to be "in the moment" in the mountains.  I think mountains were created as an evidence of God's creative power.  When I'm there, I feel at one and when I'm done with my ride, I'm rejuvenated.  I hope that you have similar experiences as you study the scriptures and reflect on your time and efforts in the mission field.

Keep the faith.  I love you,

Dad

Tonsil free!

Dear Caleb & Jacob,

     I'm writing this letter from my deathbed...just kidding, but it could feel like this.  Getting tonsils out as an adult really IS as bad as they say.  The tonsils came out on Wednesday but they say the worse days are between day 5-12...ugggh!  Caleb, you should get yours out sooner than later if you get reoccurring sore throats.  Anyway, that's pretty much the only happenings in our world that I've been able to see.  Dad, Sydney & Adam accomplished a lot in the garage yesterday by moving all that wood up to the loft and putting all things BIKE in the single garage bay.  They also cleaned & detailed the boat and got it into the garage for the winter.  Wow, winter...weird!  I guess it's closer than we know.  

     Baxter & Snitch ran away this morning again for no reason while we were doing breakfast.  They had already had theirs so we can't figure out what they're missing in their lives to want to leave...🤔 hmmm.

    Well, it's your birthday week Jacob...19!  Don't worry, you've got more that this letter coming.  Caleb, we spied some more pictures of you on facebook from your mission conference.  Jacob, do you know if your mission has a facebook page?  We love and miss you both so much.  It's been reported by many here in our family that you're in our dreams too.  You're with us to say "hi" most of the time, then you go back on your mission.  Have a wonderful week!

Love forever,

Mom

This smile was obviously a "before" picture

Sent from my iPhone

New area!

Caleb,

I'm so excited for you and the new opportunities you'll find with your new companionship and transfer. I'd like to learn more about your area. I just heard today that Kaitlynn Field, the sister missionary who shared your farewell Sunday, is already halfway through her mission! That means you're 9 months out...Can you believe it? We can't say enough how proud we are of you and your constant positive attitude. It's very inspiring to me. Your smile in all of your photos is so infectious. I'm so proud to be your mom.

Love you lots!

Mom

Sent from my iPhone

Final Summer Party!

Dear Caleb & Jacob,

Your cousins Michael Pantelakis and Jordan Winkel just got home off their missions in the last 2 weeks! We weren't able to make it to their homecoming talks though.

We sure did think about you a lot this week at Lake Powell. I know you've been there before Caleb, but we can't wait until we can go with you both. Bryan & Cherylin and Laren & Sherri and some of their families came with us along with their boat. Amy & her kids came down the latter part of the week. It was an awesome week and the water was like glass! You'd have been proud focus...I even surfed, Sydney wake boarded, and Dad slalom skied. On the third day that we were gone, Grandma got a call from our neighbor, Brenda Milne, who told her that Baxter was found down by our church. People texted a picture around asking if anyone recognized the dog. Brenda did, so they corralled him home to our garage for the rest of the week. Pretty scary...we don't want to lose Baxter again. Even Snitch was found down the street.

Now that we're home, it's going to be "catch-up" time for the kids in school this week. I get my tonsils out on Wednesday and so I have no idea how I'll feel for the rest of the month. Im so sorry, but we really don't have a whole lot more to write about. I'll send you each an individual note.

I love you both so much!

Mom

Personal Letter 9 11 2016

Caleb:

Well, it's a good report from you this past week.  It sounds like you're excited to be a new companion in a new area.  It goes without saying that you should make hay while the sun shines.  Learn all that you can from him and develop yours into a great companionship.

We spent some time on Lake Powell this past week and if I could do it over again, I would, only I would do it with you and Jacob.  I'm so proud of you and the work you are doing and even when I miss you, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Let's make sure we spend some time doing some of those things wen you get home.

I hope things are well.  I can't wait to read your letter tomorrow.  I'll close with a quote from Henry David Thoreau...  Instead of "I went to the woods" I encourage you to substitute "I went on a mission"...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms."

I love you,

Dad

Letter 9 11 2016 Alignment

My sons:

I've been thinking about aligning your actions with your beliefs and the harmony that occurs when this is done.  We live in a world when little thought is given to this very important issue.  Rather, personal gratification is all that matters.

One of the great things about a mission is that you have time (if you make time) to examine the simple question of, "What do I believe?"  You are in the thick of it and doing your best to teach those who are investigating Mormonism the truthfulness of your message.  I'm sure you've seen by now that the gospel message resonates with many of those you teach but they are unable to align their actions with their newfound beliefs.  In other words, they are unable to make and keep commitments.

At some level, we all struggle with keeping commitments.  We call it keeping our covenants.  Think of the covenants you have made.  Now ask yourself if you keep these covenants exactly.  If you are honest and human, you will admit that you can do better.

Mom and I went to college with Mason Haycock.  He is one of our dear friends from those years.  Since we were in Southern Utah this past week, and since he is trooper in Kanab, we arranged to meet up with him.  First off, he is one of the best conversationists that I've ever been around so any time spent with him is super-enjoyable.  At some point in the conversation, I asked a simple question, "How are you and Bonnie (his wife) doing?"  What followed was a conversation that has become open among those struggling with addiction in the Kanab area.

Mason has been addicted to porn throughout his adult life and has only recently gotten his addiction under control.  He now conducts firesides in Southern Utah for youth and others as relating to addiction recovery.  Now think of his life from the time he first became involved until recently...  Consider how out-of-alignment he has felt for basically his entire life.  He believed one thing and his secret actions contradicted his beliefs.  He is fine now and things should end well in his case.  But, it didn't need to be this way, not for the time in his life when he had physical and emotional strength to have an awesome intimate relationship with his wife.

If you can unlock the alignment truth, you will succeed at all else.  We live in an age when you can (and should) forcefully move to align your actions with your beliefs.  Trust me, it's important.  You are both remarkable young men.  Life is ahead of you.  When you have lived life or some of it, better to look back on a life well lived than on a life that could've been.  

Do I have regrets?  Of course I do.  Would I avoid some of the mistakes I've made if given the chance to re-live my life?  Of course I would.  Will I yet make mistakes?  Yep.  It's called life.  But if I (and you) can live in alignment, our mistakes will be much smaller.

One of my favorite Frank Sinatra songs is "My Way" I love the recording of him as an old man.  His voice is failing but his conviction is awesome.  It's said that in all of his final concerts, he requested to sing at least this one song.  Check out the lyrics:

And now, the end is near; 

And so I face the final curtain.

My friend, I'll say it clear, 

I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.

I've traveled each and every highway; 

And more, much more than this, 

I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few; 

But then again, too few to mention.

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course; 

Each careful step along the byway, 

And more, much more than this, 

I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew.

But through it all, when there was doubt, 

I ate it up and spit it out.

I faced it all and I stood tall; 

And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.

I've had my fill; my share of losing.

And now, as tears subside, 

I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that; 

And may I say - not in a shy way, 

"Oh no, oh no not me, 

I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught.

To say the things he truly feels; 

And not the words of one who kneels.

The record shows I took the blows -

And did it my way! 

Yes, it was my way.

Many truths in that song.  Life live your way.  Align your actions with your beliefs.  Remember that I love you,

Dad

Letter 9 4 2016 control

I went riding yesterday with Dave Witbeck.  His daughter Alissa got married recently and is now divorced.  Essentially it came own to issues of control and emotional abuse.  I am amazed at how many marriages are in trouble because the man can't pull his head out of his nether regions and allow his wife to express herself in a normal and healthy manner.

Alissa is a beautiful girl.  Here husband wanted her to write letters to her family and friends and tell them that now that they were a couple, they wouldn't be coming around.  It tore her apart; both before and after their marriage concluded.  It all could have been avoided IF he'd have supported her.  It goes without saying that other aspects of their marriage suffered and were left wanting because of his actions.

When Mom and I were first married she had some personal struggles with my family.  Because she is practically perfect, this was probably the biggest source of frustration in our entire marriage.  We argued and fought and finally I decided that the only way out if we were going to have a peaceful marriage was to not argue with her and embrace her approach to things.  This came at a price, my family was left to wonder why they had lost a son.  The Gibbons family is awesome and there is nothing not to like but these things happen.  I've allowed this to carry forward and as a result, our kids know me and Mom love each other at the expense of knowing the Gibbons family really well.  I think it's a worthwhile tradeoff.  Because the Gibbons are great, time will manifest their greatness.

I don't know what will happen with your marriages but whatever you do, be good to your wife.  She will have opinions that strain at logic (hopefully not too many) and make you wonder.  But, happy is the man who has a happy marriage.  Since you are on a mission and have a companion, do your best to make your companion feel good about himself.

Here is the deal.  Either man and woman are good and sometimes do bad or they are bad and generally put on a good face.  I think that humanity generally is good but there are a few bad eggs sprinkled in.  Here is what I want you to do.  Pick a wife that is good.  Then allow her almost complete control over her own life.  Support her.  Go to her family functions and love her family.  If she is good, she will want to bring you around our family periodically.

Never seek to control your wife...  No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.

Use this time to love your companions in spite of their warts.  Although I think you're both perfect, you probably aren't.  Put your bread on the water and pray that it is returned to you.

I may dictate an individual letter to each of you but we are moving today.  I love you both.

Dad